I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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