id be glad to
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
