She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
