Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
one might say we're banned from that church
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
