Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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