is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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