Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
