You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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