dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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