My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
3 2 1 whiskey
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
