im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
