best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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