It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
