I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
