This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Gay?
German.
Pity.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A+ Viking dick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
