I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
