when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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