dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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