you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
