he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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