OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
