Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
