so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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