Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize