We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
