everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
