there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
