how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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