he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
