I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
