Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
