I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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