I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
