i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
