Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
