Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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