woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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