I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
