you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
