Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
