If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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