i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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