Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
