you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
