You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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