What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
