Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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