four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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