dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
