I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
