Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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