So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
