My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
