Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
