she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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