You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
