Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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