There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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