i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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