I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
