so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
