I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
