Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had sex on a roof
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
