drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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