Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
