alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize