Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
