Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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